We probably all have really bad habits at times… But this one I’m going to deal with is fatal. It’s called hopelessness. I can see the way hopelessness has tried to rob and destroy my life and how horrid it can be, and now I know better than to entertain it.
When I first heard the gospel, I knew for sure Jesus was all I wanted. Now, not many things were able to move my 17 year old, bored self because I already knew that the world was empty, unimpressive and tireless. But when I heard about Jesus, His love gripped me and I said to myself “I’ve finally found everything I’ve been looking for.”
Little did I know, there was a serious enemy who would try everything to keep me from Jesus.
So not too long after, all hell broke loose in my life.
My entire family turned against me.
My mom, whom I lived with at the time,(I was not yet an adult) for absolutely no reason woke up one day and decided that I would never enter a Christian church again. She tried to tell me about Jim Jones, and tried to convince me of many other stories to prove that what I believed in was a lie.
These things really shook me. I didn’t know if to believe my mother whom I loved and disregard the powerful experience I had with God. And even if I didn’t want to, I had no choice but to obey because I was 17… So unless I planned on moving out, things looked pretty bad.
I can safely say that that was the worst heartbreak I’d ever felt. I finally thought I could find someone to truly love me with a real love and then I felt like I had suddenly lost everything. I wasn’t mature enough to know that Jesus wasn’t found in a church at that time.
That experience brought hopelessness.
The fruit of hopelessness in my life was destruction like I never knew before.
Because I felt like God had done this to me, I totally gave up on my life. It was the first time I had ever gotten drunk and done some other crazy things. I had a broken heart. I was filled with hopelessness.
That period in my life lasted for four months, and thank God it didn’t last longer because I don’t know where I’d be today. There came a point where I knew that I couldn’t live without God. I really became desperate. Although I felt like God was the one rejecting me, somewhere deep down in my heart I also felt like He was calling me to Himself.
That marked the first time I ever snuck out to go to church. And I knew that this time I was going to do whatever it took. I was finally ready to fight instead of cry.
When my mom eventually found out that I was sneaking out, I was already ready to make the decision to move out.
It didn’t matter if my entire world was crashing down.
I knew what I wanted and was willing to make radical choices towards it.
Then, one day I was at a friend’s house and ended up talking to the pastor on the phone and he explained everything. I had remembered that he mentioned in a sermon the name of the school that he went to, and I also knew that my mom attended that school. So I said “by chance, do you know…” I really don’t know how I thought of asking that, I didn’t even think they were the same age.
But it turned out, not only did they know each other from school, but they were friends. That was a miracle far beyond anything I could imagine. My pastor then casually called her to catch up, and then threw in “oh, I know your daughter… You forbade her from coming to church, maybe that could change…”
And just like that, supernaturally, God did something so amazing.
When I decided to let go of hopelessness and press forward, God came through in a remarkable way.
Who would have thought that the pastor of my church had grown up with my mom!
And now that I’ve been serving God for four years, unfortunately I’ve seen other situations in my life where I have resorted to hopelessness. It’s a horrid habit. For me, that usually looks like doing something out of character. Whether its blowing all my money in shopping to feel better, or sleeping all day because I feel like there is no use in waking up.
But looking back on how God started opening supernatural doors for me, I’m convinced that He will continue to do so in my walk with Him. I believe that there is a real enemy that wants to make me think that God has abandoned me so I would do hopeless and crazy things. And, I also believe that God has made a remarkable way of escape and victory in each situation although I may not be able to see it immediately.
I would rather not be like the children of Israel, who although they saw God’s miracles for forty years, refused to believe. I declare over my life that I will believe in the goodness of my God, resist the devil, and see the supernatural, wonder working power of God. And I declare it in your life too!
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