Have you found yourself putting up with things you don’t like or agree with in your relationships? Saying yes and ok when you really want to say no? Ignoring things that really bother you while thinking that “if he or she really cared he/she wouldn’t do that” or “I’m doing x,y or z for peace sake”? Eventually you either find yourself “blowing-up” or withdrawing emotionally and/or physically from the relationship much to the surprise of your friend/spouse etc.
It is important to remember that because we all see things differently, come into relationships with both healthy and unhealthy mindsets about relationships, have our own issues to work through and are at different levels of maturity spiritually, no one really knows how to “love and respect” you in ways that are specific to you.
As a result we need to confront when we feel we are being used, taken for granted or hurt by the actions of others.
A very good confrontation is “while I understand that you will like to do x,y,z and it would make you feel [feeling word(s)], I feel [feeling word] when you do/ask x,y,z.”
In many sessions with families and premarital and married couples, persons are SHOCKED and PAINED to hear that their loved ones were feeling so hurt by their actions especially because they never seem to give any indication that they were displeased or hurt by the actions.
The way we respond to persons give them messages about how they should love and respect us.
When we are not being truthful about how things impact us in our intimate friendships, we are lying and our friends are not really dealing with the true us. It will cause us to grow apart from our friends/spouses. Eventually they will feel rejected, betrayed and lied to when we withdraw, break-off the relationship, or have our outburst about the “reality of the situation”.
Every day, I choose to act lovingly and to say yes to things even when I am tired at times, not because I have to, but because I want to. I also say no because I can’t do it or doing it would not be in the person’s/or my best interest.
As adults, because God is our source we are never ‘held to ransom’ to the actions of others. Because God is our source we are never ‘victims’! Blessings!
Image Credit: Shutterstock Camilo Torres