Have you forgiven yourself? This is my story.
After completing my A Levels, I started to work at a Bank, at the age of 20. I got involved with a co-worker, who was about 13 years older than me and YES –I got pregnant!
I went to him. This was his response:
- He would give me the money to have an Abortion.
- He did not love me.
- He was not ready to get married and when he was —it would not be ME!
I felt devastated! My life was in turmoil. Growing up, I had a really traumatic childhood and this just added to it. I decided to have an Abortion! At that time, I made this decision based on all the WRONG REASONS! This was the darkest time of my life, part of me died that day. Worst part of it – is that I did this alone. I told no one. This was a secret that I had kept hidden all my life! I was ashamed, guilty, felt condemned and was afraid, because I did not want anyone to know.
When we hold on to secrets in our life, Satan uses it against us.
Matthew 6: 14-15 (KJV) For if you forgive men their trespasses, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
I forgave this man. I knew the importance of forgiveness, not to hold on to any unforgiveness in my heart.
I knew God forgave me.
1 JOHN 1: 9 (KJV) If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
I had done this. Confessed, Repented and then the Holy Spirit revealed it to me. I DID NOT FORGIVE MYSELF! After all, I killed my baby. I felt this was a sin that God would never forgive. Deep in my heart —I really did not believe that God forgave me and so, I was unable to forgive myself.
PSALM 103: 12 (KJV) As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.
ISAIAH 43: 25 (KJV) I, even I, am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake, and will not remember thy sins.
God said that he will not even remember our sins, not that he forgets, he chooses not to remember, but I kept playing this over and over in my mind like a broken record. I did not truly understand God’s Love for me.
Sin in our past leaves deep wounds in our heart.
PSALM 147: 3 (KJV) He healeth the broken in heart and bindeth up their wounds.
JESUS is the only one who can heal our wounds and so I surrendered everything to him. I gave all my hurt, pain, shame and guilt to him. God forgave me — So now I had to forgive myself for what I had done. As soon as I did it, the Holy Spirit started to work things out in my heart and TOTAL HEALING began in my life.
So, Friends, do you need to forgive yourself? Come to JESUS!!!
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