God has been so good to me, I have several testimonies that I could share of His love and faithfulness in my life, but the one I’ll share; I think so many people struggle with, so I pray it can be a blessing and encouragement to you. I grew up in a Christian home and was brought up in the fear of the Lord, but around the age of 19 certain circumstances, (that I know now were set up by Satan) led me down a path that could have ended in destruction.
I went abroad on vacation for a couple weeks, and the room that I stayed in was full of VHS movies. The person that I was staying with loved movies and really good old time classics that I also loved. Ever so often I would watch a couple. One day, however, I took one off the shelf and got myself comfortable, ready to watch another old time movie…
Let’s just say the label on the video was not what was actually on it.
To my dismay it was a pornographic movie. My initial reaction was one of shock and horror and I stopped it immediately.
There are strong demonic spirits attached to porn, you are not just watching a sick movie, I believe that demons are released in the atmosphere when we delve into porn, and they then have an open door to our minds. I took that thing off but the 3 or 4 seconds that I saw never left my mind. While trying to sleep that night, the images were constantly in mind, I knew right away that it was satan trying to tempt me, trying to get me look at it again, but I prayed and rebuked the devil and went to bed.
The next day when I woke up, guess what was the first thing on my mind? People, the devil is real and he’s a great strategist.
1Peter 5:8 “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.”
My horror and shock soon became curiosity. I put the video back on, and that was the beginning of my struggle. I soon discovered that not all the labels on the videos was what was actually on them, and so, after watching the first one, Satan gained control of my mind and I completely yielded my flesh to him. You might ask how did I yield myself to the devil? I no longer put up a fight. The Bible says in Romans 13 vs. 14 ” make no provision for the flesh to fulfill the lust of it.” And so began the greatest battle I ever faced as a child of God, not a battle with porn but the battle for my mind.
I knew that God had not left me.
I did not turn into an all out pervert, however, my mind certainly was.
If you give the devil an inch he will take a yard! I continued to watch porn whenever I could, and even found myself looking for anything that closely resembled it on TV. Eventually, it became an addiction, because even though I felt sick and disgusted watching it, I still found myself drawn to it and unable to stop myself. As Romans 6 vs. 16 says “Don’t you know that when you offer yourselves to someone to obey him as slaves, you are slaves to the one whom you obey? Whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness”?
Fortunately, it did not take me to long to discover that I had become a slave to sin, so I prayed and I fought with the devil, I decided that I could no longer subject myself to sin, I could no longer stand the feeling of alienation that I felt towards God, even though I knew He still loved me, my sin created a barrier in my mind. My love for God caused me to see the evil of porn and I stopped watching it, and this is where my testimony actually begins.
Yes, I stopped watching porn, but my mind was a mess because of all the crap I put in it.
God forgave me, our relationship was restored, but even though our minds work much like a computer, there’s no way for me to erase what I put in by the click of a button. I found myself struggling with sexual thoughts and fantasies, at times even in church, or while worshiping God, Satan would flash an image in my mind; I would even have evil dreams. At first, I thought I was just still a sinner and pervert, trying to fool people and myself, because after all, how could I get such evil thoughts in my mind and claim to be a child of God?
Satan tried the old condemnation trick on me, made me feel unworthy of God’s love.
I did not want to be involved in church ministry because I still felt as though I was sinning, but I was not sinning, I was not a pervert, then I read Romans 12 vs. 1-2 “I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”
There it was in Romans, the answer to my problem, I needed to renew my mind, I spent so much time putting junk in, and now, junk is what came out. I needed to replace the evil things that I fed my mind, with the truth of who God says I am, and as Philippians 4:6-8 says,” Be careful for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”
And so I did, I studied my Bible more regularly, read only Godly books, listened to Godly music, I became radical, I allowed nothing into my mind that was not stated in Philippians 8, so that meant cutting out a lot of stuff.
My mind was in the gutter and I had no intentions of leaving it there.
It did not happen right away, but after months of renewing and reprogramming my mind with the word of God, what I thought was impossible happened. I no longer fought with the thoughts of satan, I went from having thoughts of evil, to fantasies of me preaching God’s word to thousands. I believed who God said I was and walked as a believer. Soon I even forgot my past struggles, it was total freedom! I felt as though God actually did what the computer can do and erased my memory.
If you are reading this testimony and struggle with the enemy’s evil thoughts, I can tell you from experience, it takes more than going up to an alter for prayer, you have control to a large extent of what goes into your mind, don’t be conformed to this world. It’s not going to be easy, but where we are weak God makes us strong. Take hold of your thoughts by refusing to put rubbish in your mind and fill it with God’s word. At first, your flesh will try to rebel, but remember you are not on your own, you have the Holy Spirit with you; your personal helper, If He could do it for me, He could do it for you!
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