I‘m not a writer but I’ll try my best. Ever since I can remember I would always complain about my stomach hurting, headaches, neck aches. I would always get the flu, had a lot of fevers, had a problem with my eyes at one point. I remember having a really bad stomach virus at one time, I couldn’t keep anything down, didn’t eat for days.
Long story short I was labeled as a sickly child.
Now I was younger so I really didn’t take seriously the statement ‘life and death was in the power of the tongue’, therefore I went about my merry way, always saying ‘I’m sick’, or lying to get myself out of primary school for a day by saying my head hurts or my stomach or whatever I could think of.
We’ve all done it at some point, but I never realized that I was actually claiming sickness upon myself, never thought that by pretending to be sick one day I’d actually be sick. Due to personal experiences, I’ve developed a mindset of not wanting to have children of my own; I’m very passionate about adopting those in need. My thing is, why bring more into the world when there are so many here already that need our help? If you want to have kids of your own that’s cool but that’s just the way I think.
So when I first started my menstruation process it really wasn’t anything to be happy about at that time. After sometime I realized that I was having an irregular menstruation cycle. Sometimes it wouldn’t come for months at a time until eventually it just stopped. Now I was feeling perfectly healthy and given my way of thinking I really didn’t see a need to make a big fuss about anything.
Within one year after I lost my period I gained a huge amount of weight.
This lead to some “nice” individuals at my secondary school starting a rumor about me that I was pregnant because I was raped by my brothers and father. This was during my CXC exams. Although this upset me a lot because we eventually found out some of my teachers were part of it, I still wasn’t bothered by the fact that my body was not functioning the way it was meant to. Years of more sickness and weight gain went by; complaining about simple headaches now grew to crying about migraines. Daily migraines so bad that when I had one I literally used to feel like I was getting dumb, I couldn’t focus on anything, couldn’t hear anything, it was just excruciating pain, and I was really disoriented.
Finally I sucked it up and went to a doctor who referred me to do blood tests, ultrasounds and a CT scan. She said it was possible that I had a brain tumor. Hearing this sent me into a whirlwind of depression.
Though my mother was telling me to believe God in spite of this, I was doing exactly what I did when I was younger, that is, claim sickness upon myself. I would walk around crying “I can’t believe I have a brain tumor”.
I chose to believe the doctors. I was holding onto sickness but I didn’t do anything about it.
So more time passed and things got worse, I eventually got the CT scan done which stated that findings were suggestive of a pituitary micro-adenoma.
With the blood tests there are three main hormones that a woman produces which lead to menstruation; one of them I was not producing any of and another I was producing way too much of. Still, I prolonged things and even though I had people around encouraging me and praying with me, I was still saying “Dear Lord why me?” in the back of my mind. An MRI scan was advised due to the CT scan results, I was trying my best to trust the Lord that nothing would be found but I had doubt.
A brain tumor or pituitary micro-adenoma as they called it, was found in the centre nearer to the top right side of my brain measured to be 2cm in diameter (which was pretty big according to the doctors).
More depression and procrastination entered my mind. Around this time I had developed a “don’t think just do” attitude as if to say I wouldn’t have life much longer so let me see what I can do now. I had always loved dancing, so starting a group was something I began to do. A friend of mine who also was starting a group invited me to a weekend dance convention held by the Praise Academy of Dance. I almost didn’t make it due to my family being worried that it would be too much for me because of the brain tumor. But with little or no support I went.
Still holding onto infirmity, I told the head of the camp my situation so that they’ll be prepared in case I faint suddenly, which had happened to me like a week or two before. The theme of the camp was “Changing mindsets through movement”; I had hoped to do just that, change my mind set. There were sessions with hip hop, reggae, modern and mime, these all ministered to me in some way but there was this one session on prophetic dance, where one of the instructors ministered.
When she started in some way I felt like she was ministering to me, unfortunately the music began to stick and she had to start over. This happened about 2 or 3 times each time she had start over she would do something different than what she started with. When they got the music working, there was an atmosphere of worship in the place and as she danced she would take someone, dance with them and then place them to worship on stage.
At the exact time I said in my mind “Lord please don’t let that woman choose me”, she came spinning by me, took me and placed me under the banner that was waved on stage. Prophetic dance deals with colors and coincidentally enough the color of the banner was gold which stands for victory.
I began to cry out and just worship and praise Him in spite of the fact of having a migraine at the time.
Since that camp I’m happy to report that I have not had a migraine to complain about.
Yet in spite of all of this I was still saying I had a tumor. More time passed and out of the blue I woke up one morning and I was seeing blurry, thirsty all the time, urinating all the time, I was also having some gynecological problems. I finally went for my ultrasound which stated that I have polycystic ovaries.
I wanted to do research on it so I went to my neighbor’s house. While researching we found that polycystic ovaries can cause diabetes on looking it up we realized that I had the symptoms, so I checked my sugar and it was 345, which was so high that I could’ve fallen into a coma. So the next morning I was admitted to Mt.Hope Hospital. There they labeled me as a type 1 diabetic, placed me on drips (I had 7 bags) and started injecting me with insulin three times a day. Every night I was in the hospital I cried out to God, but it was a cry of being angry and asking why this happened to me.
I was beginning to feel like I was going crazy because they were taking blood from me almost every day, injecting me with needles more than three times a day, and there was a different doctor each day bringing you even more bad news.
On the day I was first told I would get to leave the doctor who was dealing with me came and told me that I needed to be examined by a neurology surgeon. He had asked me why I took so long to see to the health issues, I told him that I was actually planning to see about that aspect of it in the USA, he then asked basically asked if I thought I had all the time in the world and if I thought that a brain tumor could wait until I reached the states, he just said some things that had really upset me.
He couldn’t even say when the surgeon was supposed to come. It was at that point that I decided to leave; I realized that I was not getting any better, my sugar was still high and I was being stressed out on a daily basis. I had informed the nurses that I wanted to leave and as the doctor came back to see me, he began to call cancer and death on my life which upset me even more and I admit it did scare me but I still had to leave there.
Life after the hospital was hard but got better every day because I started really talking to God and claiming my healing.
I would cry out to Him, this time not asking “why me?” but reminding Him of His word and no longer holding onto to sickness but onto His promises. I really don’t like hospitals and doctors to me are a necessary evil. So, I started to pray that the Lord allow me to be living proof that He is still the same God that heals with only one touch. I started to speak to the mountain of sickness and the spirit of infirmity plaguing my life and commanded it to be broken and brought down to nothing because I know that it is God’s will that I be in good health.
I began to do this on a daily basis, each day I would see my sugars levels return to normal. In spite of being now plagued with doubts, because I would pray and the words of the doctors would play over and over in my head, I praised God and believed Him with all my heart. One night my mom told me that she prayed and asked the Lord to give a sign that He is working in me and the next day I saw my first period in seven years. This means that the brain tumor, polycystic ovaries, imbalanced hormones, all these thing which were responsible are gone, and my God has healed me. I thank Him, praise Him and continue to believe and trust Him because I know that He is able to do anything. I know there has been a lot of crying in this, but I have to say I now cry tears of joy because I wake up every day and know that there is a plan and purpose for my life and no matter what God is in control. Everything that we go through is for our good but for His glory.